I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.
I gave up jogging for health reasons. My thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pants on fire.
If you want to look young - hang around with old fat people.
It's called DIET because all other 4 letter words were taken.
Some people are afraid of heights. I'm afraid of widths.
My body is a temple with ample parking in the rear.
The most fattening thing you put in an apple pie is a spoon.
There is nothing lite about cellulite.
A middle age spread is the result of too many times around the table.
I'm not overweight, I'm undertall.
I've been on a diet for two weeks. So far I have lost fourteen days.
I'm not fat! I'm fluffy!
Weight-loss advice. Let's keep it simple.....just eat the things you don't like.
Dieters Prayer......As I wake up from sleepI pray my diet I may keepBut if temptations make me slipI pray the Lord my pants won't rip
Weight Watchers Leaders use humor to grab people's attention. Here are some of the humor quips they have used:
"As I get older, my age and my weight became the same number - 32, 34, 36......"
"I can arrive at a wedding a size 12 and leave a size 14. I've had to undo my bra to keep eating!"
"My husband is on the military diet - Captain Crunch and Colonel Sanders."
"Fatty foods give me amnesia. I remember the to count salad but forget the cheesecake."